Only the scousers!!!

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Only the scousers!!!

Postby petermarkcraig » Mon May 07, 2007 2:50 pm

Great story from a scouse messageboard - a bit long but worth sticking with:

The last away game of the season, Fulham, was always gonna be one of those can't really be arsed games, even more so now that we had the small matter of a trip to Greece to prepare for. After numerous drop-outs, "I'm not going"s and other assorted excuses, it was arranged for 5 of us to leave Limey at quarter past nine. Getting there, the price of a train ticket posed the only problem, 60 quid an adult ticket to London, ****in hell what a joke. So kids it was, 30 quid was a bit more affordable I suppose, just got to pretend yer 15 for the day. No problem, so we got to the window looking to buy kids tickets......"No way you're 15, I'm not selling them to yer" Oh **** , no tickets. Now what made it worse was that John1892 and Trigger had already bought tickets the night before, so they got on the 9.15 as planned and the Fulham Five had been seperated. Me, Sickboy and Speke Red were trying to formulate a plan when we see Macca lookin a bit the worse for wear but game for the trip. So the four of us decide that the plan will be, get to Manchester, and get a ticket there and go to London. Sound.

The trip to Manny was relatively incident free, with a sound clippie agreeing to sell us kids tickets, so we paid the 30 quid and it was kids to London. The only problem was, the train stopped at every ******* stop on the way to Manny, so by the time we got there it was nearly 12 oclock. A look at the board in Piccadilly showed no trains to London! What the **** ? Then we realised that was only for the next half hour, so basically, there were trains, just not any time soon. With nothing else to do, it was banner time, and the "Athens The Final 2007" banner was unfurled from the balcony in Piccadilly to the onlooking Mancs, an ironic cheer from the City fans accompanying a snarl and a scurrying off from the United fans.

Finally we found a train to London, estimated time of arrival 20 to 3. So we'd be gettin there late. Ah well, its only Fulham I spose.... A few bottles of Bud on the train and it was happy days, and Macca even managed to position himself in a perfect position to blimp the bird next to us with the incredibly short skirt on. Now don't get me wrong, she weren't great, but for a Manc I spose ya could say she was worth a go, anyway I digress. With Macca blimping this bird and moaning that he was hungry, me, Sickboy and Speke Red wondered aloud why even though we'd been on the train for ****in ages, we could see the old landmark, Walsalls ground, out the window. Now as every travelling fan knows, Walsalls ground is more or less exactly halfway between Liverpool and London, it was 2 oclock and we were only halfway there! Luckily enough, an perhaps magically, the driver put his foot down and we arrived in London Euston at about 20 to 3, so we had 20 minutes to get to Craven Cottage. A text from John 1892 told us it was about half an hour on the tube, and so the tube it was, change at Victoria and then get the train to Wimbledon, getting off at Putney Bridge.

After desperate sales tactics for our spare ticket from Speke Red which consisted of shouting across a crowded tube train full of disinterested foriegners and even more disinterested Cockneys, "anyone want a ticket for the match", one extremely polite, not to mention good looking young lady declined the offer while the rest of the people on the train ignored us. Some fat **** that we hadn't noticed before then started chatting to her, and cuddling her, which killed off our dreams of kidnapping her and forcing her to take our ticket, but never mind. As a side note, how did that fat **** get her? Must of been wedged the *******. Either that or he was a charming, articulate and friendly young fellow whom she had fallen in love with. Probably wedged though.

Fulham Broadway station brought a snigger as we saw Stamford Bridge, but more on that later..............

Off at Putney Bridge, quick run to the ground, we sold the spare to some tourist and at about 3.15 we were in. Its only when you actually get to a game like this that you realise how ***** football can be at times, and a boring game ended 1-0 to Fulham, Fowler missed a first half sitter and Dempsey scored from a similar chance for them, basically they stay up after that barring a miracle, and I for one am glad, I like Fulham, picturesque ground an all that. he only highlights of the match were reuniting with John1892 and Trigger, unfurling the Athens banner, and buzzing off a steward, who we couldn't work out was a man or woman 'cos of her/his bumfluff muzzie, and a bizzie who came out with the shout of "Stay in there" in the most high pitched and horrible voice when one of us dared move slightly into the aisle away from our seat.

Anyway 1-0, never mind I spose, happy for Fulham in a warped way, me personally anyway. The walk back to the tube brought two more additions to the squad, L12 and Youth. so the Fulham Eight were assembled...... Me, Sickboy, L12, Trigger, John 1892, Youth, Macca and Speke Red.

Banner in hand and time to kill, it was decided by the majority we may as well get off at Fulham Broadway and pay the Bridge a visit. Off at Fulham Broadway it was, and the 8 of us took a right and walked for a bit. ****in hell we've gone the wrong way! A quick 180 degree turn and we were on the right track, and there we saw it, the home of the European Cup Semi Finalists 2004, 2005, 2007. A quick scout round produced some great moments, a photo outside a few landmarks, including the "original wall of the Shed End". We took the Shed haha. Well not quite, but a moral victory if nothing else. Loitering around for a while, we found an open turnie, and a couple of us went in, only to find it was for the upper tier exits, so instead of opening onto the pitch, we were met with loads of concrete stairs. Ah well. bunk back out and in the car park ready to go home, when Michael Ballack drives past to much hilarity. Buzzing off him with the banner and singing Liverpool songs it doesn't get much better, take that yer German **** . I suppose hes played in one, but even then he got beat by Real Madrid, so Michael heres ya challenge, show me a European Cup Winners medal, and I'll raise yer a Djimi Traore.

Still all buzzing, what happened next is stuff of legend for the Fulham Eight. In a twist of fate we had previously been oblivious to, Chelsea had been training on the pitch, and obviously Jose, happy with what he had seen, had said, "Lets jib it, hometime". So as 8 delirious Scousers looked on in delight, the shout came out "Speke Red, get the banner back out lad, heres the ****in team coach!!!!" I even pulled out me Jose special dance, fists pumping in a simultaneous homage and ****take of the Portuguese Special One, as the coach went past us all dancing, singing and flaunting our banner.

So, all made up ourselves, we start walking out of the car park, when suddenly, the Chelsea coach stops, and off jumps some fat Portuguese looking fella who we all assumed to be the goalie coach or something, and he beckoned us over. Now what do you say to that? "OK" is what we said, and to be honest I don't know what we were expecting, but what we certainly didn't expect was the fella to say, "Go ahead lads, say it to our faces" I looked up the steps of the coach and at the top was John Terry. "What's happening John lad" was my shout, to which the response was classic, as an angry John Tezza replied "**** off, you Scarse cants". Well that was it, we were howling with laughter, and that laughter was eating away at John and the boys. The goalie coach then started walking towards us menacingly and snatched the banner and threw it on the coach! Dunno what the **** wanted it for, no good to him now is it! Anyway, we were all buzzin by this point singing "We made John Terry cry" and other ditties, when in a mad sidenote to the story, Danielle Lloyd drove past in a boss Rangey, and her brother who is from by ours seen us and said, "alright there boys". Danielle looked a bit bewildered, but then again, shes probably too good for us all now, having said that I've got faith that one day she's gonna return to her roots and come and knock on ours proposing marraige, we can always hope hey. Anyway, we wanted our banner back, so Speke Red went to try and get it, to be met with an angry Steve Clarke saying "if you want the banner, come on this bus and get it" Now Steve Clarke may well have been a ***** player, that much is true, but he looked an angry man, so we weren't getting the banner back, no way, especially when Speke and Youth both got kicks up the arse of the goalie coach for their troubles. Assaulted by a Chelsea employee, if I was one of them two I'd be going the papers haha. To much amusement, the 8 of us regrouped in the street as the coach drove away to the chant of "We made John Terry FIGHT, we made John Terry FIGHT" which I thought was funny, but John Tezza was so angry I think he would have done all 8 of us in by himself. Its amazingly what losing to Liverpool in 3 semis in 3 years can do to a man!

The way back to Euston was an amazed one. So many questions........Why had they stopped? How had 8 scallies annoyed them THAT much? Would Speke Red ever get his banner back? Who was that goalie coach? Was he even a goalie coach or just some fat nugget? Probably both. Why didn't one of us let Terry crack us and get the compo? And why was the England captain so anti-Scouse? Especially when ya consider his ma lets Scousers plate her on a regular basis. Actually, now I come to think of it, thats probably why. That and the fact Liverpool are going to Athens I suppose.

Now I'll be honest, I've never seen 8 lads so hyperactive in me life, we were bouncing round London made up, got to Euston and got a scran which I'm sure Macca was pleased with, the hungry **** . Sickboy had even managed an away trip without spewing, what a day! A quick trip to the offy for the ale for the way home produced a sex shop, but it was ***** , the arl Cockneys don't do it like the Europeans, then again they're not in Europe long enough to pick up the tricks of the trade!

The trip to the offy proved futile and a severe waste of money, as half the Met police force were waiting by the train taking ale off everyone, ***** . So with no ale but a day full of funny anecdotes to talk about, we went back to Libpool, as John Terry might say,

"Good fackin riddance you Scarse cants"
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Postby chorleyboy » Wed May 09, 2007 10:46 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Scousers aint my cup of tea but that story is a classic, I just have to hope its true, it has to be way he told it, you cant make that up.....can you?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby Magpie+Baggie » Thu Oct 18, 2007 7:52 am

1993 words... :wink:
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Postby Jue » Thu Oct 18, 2007 3:39 pm

Magpie+Baggie wrote:1993 words... :wink:


I take it thats the year you was born.
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Postby Magpie+Baggie » Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:02 pm

I'd be older than JOHN B AND JOHN N! :wink: With all due respect...

And to be fair I'm younger than you BRFC! :roll:
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Re: Only the scousers!!!

Postby YOUNGZAC » Thu Oct 25, 2007 9:00 pm

petermarkcraig wrote:Great story from a scouse messageboard - a bit long but worth sticking with:

The last away game of the season, Fulham, was always gonna be one of those can't really be arsed games, even more so now that we had the small matter of a trip to Greece to prepare for. After numerous drop-outs, "I'm not going"s and other assorted excuses, it was arranged for 5 of us to leave Limey at quarter past nine. Getting there, the price of a train ticket posed the only problem, 60 quid an adult ticket to London, ****in hell what a joke. So kids it was, 30 quid was a bit more affordable I suppose, just got to pretend yer 15 for the day. No problem, so we got to the window looking to buy kids tickets......"No way you're 15, I'm not selling them to yer" Oh **** , no tickets. Now what made it worse was that John1892 and Trigger had already bought tickets the night before, so they got on the 9.15 as planned and the Fulham Five had been seperated. Me, Sickboy and Speke Red were trying to formulate a plan when we see Macca lookin a bit the worse for wear but game for the trip. So the four of us decide that the plan will be, get to Manchester, and get a ticket there and go to London. Sound.

The trip to Manny was relatively incident free, with a sound clippie agreeing to sell us kids tickets, so we paid the 30 quid and it was kids to London. The only problem was, the train stopped at every ******* stop on the way to Manny, so by the time we got there it was nearly 12 oclock. A look at the board in Piccadilly showed no trains to London! What the **** ? Then we realised that was only for the next half hour, so basically, there were trains, just not any time soon. With nothing else to do, it was banner time, and the "Athens The Final 2007" banner was unfurled from the balcony in Piccadilly to the onlooking Mancs, an ironic cheer from the City fans accompanying a snarl and a scurrying off from the United fans.

Finally we found a train to London, estimated time of arrival 20 to 3. So we'd be gettin there late. Ah well, its only Fulham I spose.... A few bottles of Bud on the train and it was happy days, and Macca even managed to position himself in a perfect position to blimp the bird next to us with the incredibly short skirt on. Now don't get me wrong, she weren't great, but for a Manc I spose ya could say she was worth a go, anyway I digress. With Macca blimping this bird and moaning that he was hungry, me, Sickboy and Speke Red wondered aloud why even though we'd been on the train for ****in ages, we could see the old landmark, Walsalls ground, out the window. Now as every travelling fan knows, Walsalls ground is more or less exactly halfway between Liverpool and London, it was 2 oclock and we were only halfway there! Luckily enough, an perhaps magically, the driver put his foot down and we arrived in London Euston at about 20 to 3, so we had 20 minutes to get to Craven Cottage. A text from John 1892 told us it was about half an hour on the tube, and so the tube it was, change at Victoria and then get the train to Wimbledon, getting off at Putney Bridge.

After desperate sales tactics for our spare ticket from Speke Red which consisted of shouting across a crowded tube train full of disinterested foriegners and even more disinterested Cockneys, "anyone want a ticket for the match", one extremely polite, not to mention good looking young lady declined the offer while the rest of the people on the train ignored us. Some fat **** that we hadn't noticed before then started chatting to her, and cuddling her, which killed off our dreams of kidnapping her and forcing her to take our ticket, but never mind. As a side note, how did that fat **** get her? Must of been wedged the *******. Either that or he was a charming, articulate and friendly young fellow whom she had fallen in love with. Probably wedged though.

Fulham Broadway station brought a snigger as we saw Stamford Bridge, but more on that later..............

Off at Putney Bridge, quick run to the ground, we sold the spare to some tourist and at about 3.15 we were in. Its only when you actually get to a game like this that you realise how ***** football can be at times, and a boring game ended 1-0 to Fulham, Fowler missed a first half sitter and Dempsey scored from a similar chance for them, basically they stay up after that barring a miracle, and I for one am glad, I like Fulham, picturesque ground an all that. he only highlights of the match were reuniting with John1892 and Trigger, unfurling the Athens banner, and buzzing off a steward, who we couldn't work out was a man or woman 'cos of her/his bumfluff muzzie, and a bizzie who came out with the shout of "Stay in there" in the most high pitched and horrible voice when one of us dared move slightly into the aisle away from our seat.

Anyway 1-0, never mind I spose, happy for Fulham in a warped way, me personally anyway. The walk back to the tube brought two more additions to the squad, L12 and Youth. so the Fulham Eight were assembled...... Me, Sickboy, L12, Trigger, John 1892, Youth, Macca and Speke Red.

Banner in hand and time to kill, it was decided by the majority we may as well get off at Fulham Broadway and pay the Bridge a visit. Off at Fulham Broadway it was, and the 8 of us took a right and walked for a bit. ****in hell we've gone the wrong way! A quick 180 degree turn and we were on the right track, and there we saw it, the home of the European Cup Semi Finalists 2004, 2005, 2007. A quick scout round produced some great moments, a photo outside a few landmarks, including the "original wall of the Shed End". We took the Shed haha. Well not quite, but a moral victory if nothing else. Loitering around for a while, we found an open turnie, and a couple of us went in, only to find it was for the upper tier exits, so instead of opening onto the pitch, we were met with loads of concrete stairs. Ah well. bunk back out and in the car park ready to go home, when Michael Ballack drives past to much hilarity. Buzzing off him with the banner and singing Liverpool songs it doesn't get much better, take that yer German **** . I suppose hes played in one, but even then he got beat by Real Madrid, so Michael heres ya challenge, show me a European Cup Winners medal, and I'll raise yer a Djimi Traore.

Still all buzzing, what happened next is stuff of legend for the Fulham Eight. In a twist of fate we had previously been oblivious to, Chelsea had been training on the pitch, and obviously Jose, happy with what he had seen, had said, "Lets jib it, hometime". So as 8 delirious Scousers looked on in delight, the shout came out "Speke Red, get the banner back out lad, heres the ****in team coach!!!!" I even pulled out me Jose special dance, fists pumping in a simultaneous homage and ****take of the Portuguese Special One, as the coach went past us all dancing, singing and flaunting our banner.

So, all made up ourselves, we start walking out of the car park, when suddenly, the Chelsea coach stops, and off jumps some fat Portuguese looking fella who we all assumed to be the goalie coach or something, and he beckoned us over. Now what do you say to that? "OK" is what we said, and to be honest I don't know what we were expecting, but what we certainly didn't expect was the fella to say, "Go ahead lads, say it to our faces" I looked up the steps of the coach and at the top was John Terry. "What's happening John lad" was my shout, to which the response was classic, as an angry John Tezza replied "**** off, you Scarse cants". Well that was it, we were howling with laughter, and that laughter was eating away at John and the boys. The goalie coach then started walking towards us menacingly and snatched the banner and threw it on the coach! Dunno what the **** wanted it for, no good to him now is it! Anyway, we were all buzzin by this point singing "We made John Terry cry" and other ditties, when in a mad sidenote to the story, Danielle Lloyd drove past in a boss Rangey, and her brother who is from by ours seen us and said, "alright there boys". Danielle looked a bit bewildered, but then again, shes probably too good for us all now, having said that I've got faith that one day she's gonna return to her roots and come and knock on ours proposing marraige, we can always hope hey. Anyway, we wanted our banner back, so Speke Red went to try and get it, to be met with an angry Steve Clarke saying "if you want the banner, come on this bus and get it" Now Steve Clarke may well have been a ***** player, that much is true, but he looked an angry man, so we weren't getting the banner back, no way, especially when Speke and Youth both got kicks up the arse of the goalie coach for their troubles. Assaulted by a Chelsea employee, if I was one of them two I'd be going the papers haha. To much amusement, the 8 of us regrouped in the street as the coach drove away to the chant of "We made John Terry FIGHT, we made John Terry FIGHT" which I thought was funny, but John Tezza was so angry I think he would have done all 8 of us in by himself. Its amazingly what losing to Liverpool in 3 semis in 3 years can do to a man!

The way back to Euston was an amazed one. So many questions........Why had they stopped? How had 8 scallies annoyed them THAT much? Would Speke Red ever get his banner back? Who was that goalie coach? Was he even a goalie coach or just some fat nugget? Probably both. Why didn't one of us let Terry crack us and get the compo? And why was the England captain so anti-Scouse? Especially when ya consider his ma lets Scousers plate her on a regular basis. Actually, now I come to think of it, thats probably why. That and the fact Liverpool are going to Athens I suppose.

Now I'll be honest, I've never seen 8 lads so hyperactive in me life, we were bouncing round London made up, got to Euston and got a scran which I'm sure Macca was pleased with, the hungry **** . Sickboy had even managed an away trip without spewing, what a day! A quick trip to the offy for the ale for the way home produced a sex shop, but it was ***** , the arl Cockneys don't do it like the Europeans, then again they're not in Europe long enough to pick up the tricks of the trade!

The trip to the offy proved futile and a severe waste of money, as half the Met police force were waiting by the train taking ale off everyone, ***** . So with no ale but a day full of funny anecdotes to talk about, we went back to Libpool, as John Terry might say,

"Good fackin riddance you Scarse cants"


writing never the strong point, a few rather "colourful" liverpool lads involved in that day out.

chorleyboy>>> "aint my cup of tea indeedy" :roll:

pigeon s n holes :roll:
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Postby Jue » Fri Oct 26, 2007 12:08 pm

Jeff wrote:
Magpie+Baggie wrote:1993 words... :wink:


You have too much time on your hands if you actually counted all the words in the story.


its called copy and paste into Word document and word count tool works wonders :D
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Postby Magpie+Baggie » Sat Oct 27, 2007 8:24 pm

That's right BRFC!

Jeff, I'm not such a sad sod as to read all that. And count. :roll:
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